This week we are talking about something that we all have felt and dealt with – rejection. Looking back on 2020, it’s easy to see how this toxicity was so present, whether it was rejection of race, political views or differing opinions related to the pandemic. I think rejection, like many other hurts, have the opportunity to turn into more than just a feeling, but rather can fester into our spirits and to try all in its power to define who we are. I wanted to go through a few steps to help you overcome the feeling of rejection so that you can remember than rejection does not define you.

But first, as I was thinking on this topic and how I wanted to approach it, I took a step back and tried to think through times that I rejected someone. Was it because I disagreed with them? Maybe I didn’t like their point of view? I simply didn’t like their “vibe”? As I thought through those times, there was one thing that was very consistent in each of them – me. In all the times that I thought through – I was the one that was at fault for the rejection, not the other person. How often are we putting the authority of our value in the eyes and hands of someone else? The only true person who has authority over you and your worth, is you.

Steps for Overcoming Rejection

1. Hear it out – I am tired of the norm being to suppress our thoughts and feelings. I think that the more we try to quiet our pain, the louder that it gets within us. If you are struggling with rejection or feeling unaccepted, I challenge you to speak out loud why and who is making you feel this way. I have found that the best way to process my emotions is to explore them to the point that there is nothing left to hide. Feel all the hurt and sticky parts of the pain and allow yourself to be vulnerable to feel. If you have someone that you trust and can be open with, call them, allow them to be there for you. However you feel most comfortable to go about this, don’t hide from how you feel. Your feeling, thoughts and emotions are not a burden.
2. Fight it – Now that you have all the emotional energy at the surface and in the air, it is time to fight it. I picked up an exercise a few years ago where I grab a piece of paper and draw a line right down the middle, on the left side I write “Lie” and on the right side I write “truth”. Every time that a quiet or loud lie pops into my head trying to redefine or qualify my worth, I write it down in the “Lie” column and immediately write out the opposing truth. We have to rewire our brains to fight the lies because if not, those lies will try to rewire us into believing that we are something that we are not.

3. Let it go – I wish it was easy as Elsa walking out onto a snowy mountain top and releasing all of our hurt and past into the wind, but letting it go is a daily practice. Letting it go doesn’t mean that we don’t deal with it but rather we recognize that dealing with it is the practice of letting it go. Remember how I said up above that the only person who has authority over your worth is you? You are capable, strong and loved. You don’t have to hold onto the hurt. Holding on may feel better than confronting it in the moment, but it is a heavy burden to carry long term. You are more valuable than your pain tries to tell you.

I know this is a hard subject and it is something that I have to think through daily. I also have been challenged by this topic because I don’t ever want to be the cause for someone else’s hurt. I want to be aware of how I treat and love others and I challenge you to do the same. I think you are a 10/10 and you are worth it.

What are your thoughts on this topic? How do you deal with rejection?

XO, Ashton

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